I was born with the desire to create art. Stories, music, horribly drawn pictures, craft skills that have evolved to a level I’m proud of: they’ve all pointed to the self expression I so desperately want to scream out to the world.
There’s always a battle that goes on in my head: the creative, loud, expressive half that wants to look at and talk to and show things to the world around me, and the introverted, quiet half that shirks away into my room when at all possible and reads and creates more art from the quiet solitude of my bed.
How do you show the world your soul when you just want to hide it away?
It’s exhausting, really, to have to deal with 2 contradicting traits. One will win, making whatever enjoyment from the day’s activities bittersweet, or neither will win, leaving disappointment in the wake of having accomplished exactly nothing. Art come from our souls, and when you spend so much time alone in your own world, it can be startling when you have to be around people again.
The best example I can give you is writing. It is so easy (or as easy as writing can be, rather) to sit in my room and write this post for all the world to see. We aren’t interacting. I want you all to see it, I really do. However, the second I see a comment or check the statistics and see how many of you are reading this, it makes me want to throw up. I’m not exaggerating. Knowing that people–real, breathing people– are reading anything that I wrote makes me nauseous.
Writers are narcissistic. Many people have said it. It’s true, whether we want to accept it or not. So how do being narcissistic and introverted at the same time work? To be honest, I have no clue. I still haven’t figured it out.
Balancing this dichotomy is a roller-coaster ride. One thing is for sure, though: art, however good or bad it may be, was meant to be appreciated. Hiding it would be a crime. I’ll keep writing and until I can figure out how to stop being sick every time someone reads my work, I’ll just be sure to keep the trashcan close to the keyboard.
Until next time,
Are you an introverted artist? How do you feel when people see your work? Let me know in the comments! We can make a big, introverted support group!